


Deny, Deny, Deny

by veronamay



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Fluff, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-06
Updated: 2007-05-06
Packaged: 2017-11-27 21:14:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/666561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veronamay/pseuds/veronamay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wasn't ready to say goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deny, Deny, Deny

**Author's Note:**

> Shameless fluff. Falls into the category of "J2 genfic" that I keep trying to accomplish and mostly missing by a mile. Think I got it right this time, though.

"What if it isn't?" Jared whispered, for the twentieth time that day.

"It will be." Jensen elbowed him. "Now shut up. I want to hear this."

Jared was quiet for a minute, then leaned over again. "But what if it isn't?"

"Jared, Jesus." Jensen scowled at him, arms crossed over his chest, hands clenched hard in his armpits. "I'm gonna smack you in a minute. It will be, all right? Just chill, man. It'll be fine."

He turned back to the little clearing in the crowd of people in front of them, cast and crew who'd gathered to hear what news there was. Kripke and Bob Singer stood in the empty space in the center, waiting for the rustlings and murmurs to die down. Jensen gripped his arms tighter and listened.

"We know you're all busy trying to get the final shoot done, so we'll make this quick," Kripke said as the last few whispers died down. "There's good news and bad news, guys. The good news is pretty damn good. The season's ratings have been consistently high, given the competition, and we even managed to steal a few points here and there. The network is pretty happy with how things have gone. Congratulations on some great work, everyone."

He led a round of applause, which fell apart after only a few seconds. The look that passed between him and Bob made Jensen clench his fists - under his elbows, where Jared couldn't see.

"Now for the not so great news," Bob continued, stepping forward. "While the network's more than happy with what we've produced this season, they're still refusing to commit to a third season and beyond. I know, I know--" He held up his hands as the mutters rose again, with an angry undertone this time. "Look, guys, I understand. Believe me, we're working our asses off trying to get an answer of out of them, and we're doing everything we can to make sure that answer is yes. But we needed to let you know what's going on."

Jensen held his breath, hoping for more.

"I realise this makes things difficult for you over hiatus," Bob went on. "I promise we will contact each and every one of you as soon as we know which way the network goes. But that's all I can tell you right now." He sighed and rubbed a hand over his forehead. When he looked around at the crew, Jensen saw the tiredness in his face. "I'm sorry, guys. I know how hard you've all worked, and I know you feel kind of forgotten up here a lot of the time. I really hoped we'd have something better to report when we got here."

Eric clapped him on the shoulder and raised his voice again. "That's it, everyone. You'll know as soon as we do, I promise. We'll let you get back to work now. Thanks for your time."

The crowd began to disperse, small groups of people disappearing with dark looks and darker words floating back to where Jensen and Jared stood. Jensen forced his shoulders to relax, dropping his arms and ignoring the tingle of returning circulation.

"Jared, Jensen, I need you guys over here," Kripke called, and Jensen swallowed a sign of relief. He started over to where Eric stood with Bob and Kim, Jared following a step behind.

The boring intricacies of shooting kept them busy for the rest of the day and well into the night. Kripke's script for the finale called for some heavy-duty emoting from both of them, and by the time they were done Jensen felt like he'd been through a meat grinder. He was red-eyed, hoarse and twitchy, and Jared wasn't much better off. From the look on Kripke's face, though, he'd gotten exactly what he wanted on film.

"Check the gate," Eric called; when the okay came back, he stood up and smiled tiredly. "Okay, everyone. That's a wrap."

Jensen slumped where he stood, all his tension leaving him in a rush. He let his head droop, eyes closing for a brief moment. Every bone in his body ached.

"Hey." Warm hands landed on his shoulders. "You okay?"

"I want to sleep for a week." Jensen groaned. "No, wait—a _month_."

Jared circled around to face him, pale and drawn with weariness but smiling all the same. "Yeah." He tilted his head toward their trailers; Jensen nodded and fell into step beside him.

After a minute, Jensen noticed Jared's uncharacteristic silence. He'd been in Jensen's space all day, even more than usual, constantly bugging him about the network's decision. Jensen hadn't wanted to think about it—he still didn't—so he'd fended Jared off with excuses and smartass answers in the hope of deflecting him. Now Jared wasn't talking at all, and it felt ... odd. Uncomfortable, even.

Jensen shot a quick look in Jared's direction, and caught slanted green eyes looking straight at him. Jared jerked his gaze away and coughed, but not before Jensen saw his expression. Jared looked almost _desperate_ , which made no sense to Jensen at all.

They reached Jensen's trailer first. It was late, or early, depending on your point of view; the sky was beginning to lighten in the east, pale grey-pink spreading over the horizon. The air was cold enough to make his lungs ache with every breath, misting in heavy clouds as they exhaled.

Jared stopped when Jensen began to climb the stairs to his trailer, fumbling for his key. Jensen turned, expecting to see Jared at his own trailer a few feet along, and raised an eyebrow when he saw Jared hadn't moved.

"Something wrong?" Jensen asked. "You look weird."

"Gee, thanks." Jared's mouth curved in a brief smile, gone as quickly as it appeared.

"Weirder than normal," Jensen clarified, trying for a proper grin. When Jared only shook his head, Jensen went back down the stairs to him. "Hey, come on. What is it? End of season blues?"

"Yeah. Kinda. I mean—" Jared ran a hand through his already-mussed hair, then rubbed his face. "Ah, forget it. It's nothing. Go home, man, get some sleep. You earned it."

"We both did," Jensen reminded him. He didn't move, scrutinising Jared closely. "And don't lie to me, man. Whatever's bothering you, it's not nothing."

"It's stupid. Don't worry about it. I'm just tired." Jared gave him a little push. "Go on home. I'll see you later."

"No." Jensen planted his feet, arms crossed over his chest. "Tell me. I'm not going anywhere until you do."

Jared huffed an irritated breath. Jensen raised his chin and stared. Jared held his gaze for approximately fifteen seconds before breaking down.

"Just—what if it's not picked up?" he said in a plaintive voice, and Jensen rolled his eyes.

"Dude, not this again. How many times do I have to tell you? It'll be _fine_. They wouldn't be spending all this money on us if they were gonna cancel. Hell, there's comics and books and I don't know what else comin' out—they wouldn't bother with that crap unless it was a sure thing, believe you me. Will you just relax already?"

"So why won't they just _say_ so?" Jared demanded. "Why leave everyone hanging like this?"

"I don't know, man. Budget reasons. The fuckers in marketing playing mind games. Who the hell knows?" Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why are you so worried about this?"

"I just—I wanna know, that's all." Jared looked at him, half defiant, half afraid. "I wanna know what's gonna happen. I wanna be sure."

"What's gonna happen is, Kripke's gonna call us in the middle of the night right after May sweeps and tell us we're locked into another season of early mornings, late nights, freezing our asses off six days a week to fight for the number three slot on Thursdays," Jensen said. "And we'll smile nicely and thank him for the privilege."

"But ..." Jared held up one hand as Jensen groaned. "No, wait. Just—just say, on the off chance, that's not what happens. Say we're cancelled, Jensen. What then?"

Jensen stared at him, unable to process the question. He'd refused to consider the possibility that they wouldn't get renewed for so long, the thought was almost alien. He hated Jared a little bit for making him face it now.

"Losing the show at this point? That ... would suck," he said finally, lamely. "A lot."

"No _shit_ ," Jared replied, sarcasm dripping from the words. "But that's not what I mean, Jensen. What I meant was ... what happens to us?"

"Us?"

"Yeah. As in, you and me."

"I ..." Jensen hesitated. "I hadn't really thought about it."

"Well, I have. And I gotta tell you, losing the damn show isn't the only thing that'd suck, Jensen." Jared's voice softened. "But I guess that's just me, huh?" He stepped back, eyes on empty space past Jensen's shoulder. "Good to know. Have a nice summer, man. Maybe I'll see you."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Jensen said, his mind finally shifting into gear. "Wait, just—you thought I—? Oh, _hell_ no, Jared. No, I wasn't—of course that'd suck, man. Of course. But, well—" He paused, scratching his neck nervously. "It just never occurred to me that anything'd change."

"The sudden lack of sixteen-hour days spent in each other's pockets would probably be a giveaway," Jared pointed out, dry as dust.

"Yeah, thanks. I kinda got that part," Jensen shot back. "I just—look, I was trying not to think about it, all right? But I never once thought anything'd be different. With you and me, I mean." He tried for a smile, feeling it stutter and fall apart on his face. "Life just wouldn't be the same without you invading my personal space all the time, forcing me to drink German beer and watch reruns of Project Runway."

"Kinda hard to do that if we're not in the same place," Jared said. His eyes flicked up to meet Jensen's, then away. "Which we won't be, if the show isn't picked up."

And then it all fell into place: Jared's constant pestering, Jensen's own denial, all of it. Jensen let it sink in for a moment, deciding what to say.

In the end, there was only one thing he _could_ say.

"It will be," he said, strong and assured and forceful. "Okay? It'll be fine. But even if it's not—" He put a hand on Jared's shoulder, squeezing hard. "It'll still be fine. We'll be fine."

"Yeah?" Jared's gaze met his at last, hope shining clear.

"Yeah." Jensen shook him a little. "You don't get rid of me that easy. Now stop being a dork and go home, will you? I'll see you at the wrap party."

"Okay. Um. Yeah, okay." Jared shoved his hands in his pockets, and Jensen turned to leave. "... Jensen?"

"Yeah?"

Jensen turned again, more words of assurance on his lips—and found himself caught up in one of Jared's giant hugs, almost swept clear off his feet with the force of it. He grabbed Jared's shoulders automatically, looking for support; then he let himself cling, just a little bit. Or maybe a lot. Maybe he held on just as hard as Jared was, tucking his face into Jared's neck and gripping tight till they were both in danger of cracking a rib and not really caring.

Jared let him go eventually, looking red and flushed, his look daring Jensen to comment. Jensen stepped away, not sure what to do with his hands now that he wasn't touching Jared anymore. He shoved them in his pockets and cleared his throat.

"Home. Sleep. Wrap party. Booze," he said, pointing toward the parking lot. "And then afterward, I'm coming over to kick your ass at Grand Theft Auto."

"You can try," Jared corrected, a grin spreading over his face. "Twenty bucks says you're my bitch by the end of the first hour."

"Oh, you're on." Jensen smirked. "Better get your beauty sleep, princess. You're gonna need it."

He sent Jared off with a shove and the promise of a righteous smackdown, then stumbled into his trailer and sank onto the couch. His mind was a whirl of doubt, hope and shameless denial, only one thought circling round and round: they had to be picked up. They had to. He wasn't ready for this to end yet. Not with Jared's warmth spreading through every part of him and the thought of him bringing a smile to Jensen's lips.

He wasn't ready to say goodbye.

END


End file.
